WHAT DO I SAY WHEN

After some boys called her "fat," my daughter's become self-conscious and maybe depressed.

My daughter never used to care about being overweight, but after some boys called her “fat” she’s become self-cs and maybe depressed. I want to help her lose weight if that’s what she wants, but I’m afraid to bring it up because I don’t want her to think that I think she’s anything but beautiful and perfect the way she is.

by Kathie Jacobson

It is so hard to see our children in pain, so my heart is with you.  Discussing weight with kids is tough, but sometimes you have to just dive in.  You didn’t mention how much overweight your daughter is, but chances are she knows she is heavy and she knows you know she is heavy.  You also didn’t say anything about your weight…which could make the conversation either easier or harder.

So, I suggest you talk with her and give her some choices.  Tell her that she seems more down lately (avoid the word “depressed” since this can evoke defensiveness) and that you wonder if any of it is because those boys called her fat.  Ask her if she is concerned about her appearance and if she wants to figure out how to change it.  Offer her options such as:  work with a therapist, work with a nutritionist, join Fitsmi online, join Weight Watchers, join a gym, do daily walks with you, get a new hairdo, join a team at school, go to an active summer camp, etc.  LISTEN to what she says and come out of the conversation with a plan for the next step (unfortunately she may say “leave me alone about this”, and you will have to honor that, at least for a while, but remind her that she can always re-open the conversation).

Good luck, no one ever said parenting was easy!

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Photo courtesy of wonderlane

  Published April 28, 2010